It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
