"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
