I wish I could punch you in the face.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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