oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
40s are totally the cure
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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