3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
