I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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