okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
