Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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