dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
