Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
