Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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