i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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