i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
