I cockslap morals
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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