Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize