Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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