Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
