One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
