as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
