I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
