My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
