??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
