Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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