Who wears a wallet chain?!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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