I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
