we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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