I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
