saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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