mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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