matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize