Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
