Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize