eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
