It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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