nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
