apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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