Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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