he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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