Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
