hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
