morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
