he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
