U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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