You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
