I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
