Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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