Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
