i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
