I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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