My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
