And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
