He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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