You smell like a Billy Joel song
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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