I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
