Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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