All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize