don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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