How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
