I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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