dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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