We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
