What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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