i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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